So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
