I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I love you. Go after that dick
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
