my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
