They should really pass out barf bags in church
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
