your parents love me but you hate me
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
