I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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