I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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