So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
