at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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