I want to have your abortion
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
