She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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