I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
