Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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