chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
