Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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