I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
high people should be assigned attendants
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
