Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
