So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
