So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
It was confusing and full of hummus
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
