where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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