bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
