Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
