pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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