Soap is not a condiment
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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