Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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