I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
