i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
