I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Sober January is a disaster.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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