hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i already hear my dad disowning me
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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