even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
