CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
