dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
