I just made out with a guy for $7.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
