He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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