Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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