I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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