Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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