Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
