Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
