shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
