Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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