Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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