so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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