so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
