just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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