i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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