the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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