I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
