Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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