I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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