You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
