I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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