hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
