Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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