I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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