I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
