you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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