can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
