no, he came in my armpit
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
